I write this first because it informs all else here in countless ways it's doubtful I’m even fully aware of yet, and which being in denial for many years I tried to hide, not least and most mistakenly from myself. I apologise if it seems autobiographical, and it inevitably is, but to not write it feels somehow disingenuous [duplicitous? underhand?], a denial of a very personal perspective, an agenda I may not consciously but will [must?] ineluctably adopt; and I have no wish to be accused of selling damaged goods as whole.